For a long time, I lived believing in one, in my present understanding, very strange idea of modesty. When it all adds up and subtracts, it comes down to the fact that I have often had a habit of giving myself the right to much less than what I deeply wanted.
In other words, I asked for too little from life because I somehow considered myself “not-modest” to ask for more. Or, rather, I found it “ungrateful” to look for exactly what I wanted deep down.
I asked for too little in relationships, work, and many other important areas of life. Of course, the result of such an approach was that I was getting significantly less than I really wanted. Anyone who would then look at me from the side, probably could not notice my dissatisfaction because over time I still learned to play a role in which I felt safe and protected, but I knew very clearly that something was wrong.
On one occasion, as I was flipping through A Course in Miracles book and thinking about what I was doing wrong, I noticed in it a very intriguing thought that says one of our biggest problems is that we are just looking for too little out of life.
“You do not ask too much of life, but far too little.” – A Course in Miracles
Further research of that book led me to the following thought:
” Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation.”
The above thoughts resonated so strongly in my head that for the next few days I was unable to think of anything else. Because opportunities allowed, I spent the weekend in complete isolation, drinking coffee and hanging out with A Course of Miracles.
I began to realize that where I was asking a little of myself, other people, and life in general, I wasn’t even willing to give much. Only when I would give myself the right to something that I felt deep down belonged to me would I become willing to GIVE MYSELF to get there. I wouldn’t look for a shorter path, I wouldn’t look for excuses, I wouldn’t try to “cheat” on myself, I wouldn’t care what the media says, I wouldn’t look for culprits when things didn’t go the way I imagined. Nothing would be difficult for me because I had a reason WHY I was doing it and I was maximally motivated to get it.
I believed I was humble because, for example, I had agreed to do a job that I clearly didn’t like, but I would have felt “arrogant” and ungrateful thinking about starting to do exactly what I love. My then definition of the term “modesty”, because of which I did not allow myself what I deeply wanted, I now consider an act of negation of my Spirit caused by various fears, which I was obviously not even aware of at the time.
I now feel that it is my duty to God and life to become and be all that there is potential for in me. Anything less than that I no longer consider as modesty, but as a form of self-humiliation.
Oak seed does no one a favor by “avoiding” becoming an oak.
The less you ask for – at work, in love, anywhere – the less willing you are to give! “In any situation, only what you didn’t give can be missing.” Allow yourself to ask for more than life and it will soon become clear to you that you do not have to wait for anyone, but the first step is on you – give more, become more, dare more, risk more, step out of your comfort zone or provide more value in the market. Become the person you want to be in a relationship with. Become the person your business partners will want to do business with. Become a person who allows his spiritual essence to express himself as freely as possible through you.
© Tomislav Tomic – 2021.